Peep Surgery

Introduction: One of the great mysteries of the Peep species is that these creatures are always born as conjoined quintuplets. Some scientists have theorized that this arrangement, much like pack behavior in other species, serves as a natural protection against predators. As evidence, note that Peeps are most often consumed by predators only after they have been separated from their siblings. Conversely, Peeps which remain attached to their siblings are rarely preyed upon.

Nevertheless, as Peeps integrate into modern society, there is no ethical reason they should be denied the benefits of individualism, freed from the bonds of their sticky, marshmallow kin.

We thus applied the advances of modern medicine to attempt this miracle separation of these 5 brave volunteers.

Materials: In preparation of this never-before attempted surgery, a range of instruments and supplies were assembled. Our thanks go out to all those who will wonder on Monday where these instruments have gone.

• Phase 1: Pre-operative Peep patient preparation.
• Phase 2: Patients are transported to operating theater, where they are given anesthetic and surgery begins.
• Phase 3: After the first Peep is separated, wound is cauterized and first attempt at closure is carried out.
• Phase 4: The second Peep has been separated, and sutures are used to close the wound.
• Phase 5: Tension rises in the O.R. as a Code Purple is called.
• Phase 6: Reconstructive plastic surgery is carried out as the final step in this procedure.

Operative Results: Overall, we view this operation as a resounding success. All five patients survived the procedure as viable, if not somewhat squished, individuals.

Future surgical technique should be refined based upon these experiences. We expect significant improvement in outcome with repeated attempts. Clearly, more data is required regarding base-line Peep vital signs and intraoperative monitoring. Established protocols for Code Purple resuscitation should be reviewed.